The Way I Is.

Sometimes I wish that the back of my head had a slot that would print out all of the random thoughts I have late at night. Or I wish that I was motivated enough to grab my computer and write it all down as its happening. I love sessions right before bed in which I can wander into the deepest caves of my mind, uninhibited.

Last night, Shanequa and Ian harassed me because I'm so private about my life. I'm kind of glad they did because it got me thinking about why I am the way I am. It came down to two things. One, I feel that the more details I give out about my life, the more transparent I become. There are very few things in life that are solely your own. I feel like my personal life is one thing that I can control and its like a secret that only I know. Secondly, I don't like being told what to do or how to do them. Ian brought up that he likes to talk about his feelings/ personal life because of advice. While I respect and love and VALUE the opinions of my friends, most of the time I know exactly what I want.

That being said, I really admire people who put their feelings on the table. People who can be open with people and find it easy to share personal situations. I think they are brave in a way. Most people have that person they have known their whole life or at least know their whole life story. I do not. Last night I realized how fragmented my life story is. I haven't had a friend outside of my family who has crossed through every period of my life. I spent my early childhood in Chicago, the second half of elementary school and junior high in orange, high school in new haven, and now Im in college. Every different fragment had a different social group. I rarely filled anyone in on the majority of my past. I think in some way this has added to my liking for privacy. I don't know.

This was better thought out last night. Time has screwed with the eloquence of my argument lol.
Anyways. I don't like cuddling with my friends. I don't know why. I just don't. It's weird.

In conclusion. I love Ian and Shanequa even though they are jerks.